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When the equanimity leaves you

Posted 8/6/2020 6:06pm by Shiloh Avery.

I read a book a long time ago about how good meditation is for you.  How it strengthens positive brain synapses, helps with concentration, relieves stress, blah blah blah.  So I decided to give it a try. I know, I know, aside from being an organic farmer, I am far far away from anything even slightly hippie or “woo-woo”.  Just the word crystal has me fleeing for the hills.  But what can I say, this book and a few other nods in the meditation direction convinced me to give it a try.

I swear I notice no difference—I can’t tell that it does a thing for me, but I’ve continued to dabble now for several years because “they say” it is so good for me. Turns out, they have free guided meditation apps and everything!  So I don’t have to have any idea what I’m doing.   I just sit a few times a week and let the app speak into my ears and follow instructions. 

Until recently, that is.  I just sort of quit getting out of the bed in time, or had other things to do, or was just too lazy to sit still for 10 minutes 😊 For about a month or so.  And then recently, I noticed myself being very, um, “reactive” to small affronts.  I could feel the wild rage threatening just below the surface, occasionally bubbling up into language like teenage tantrums.  Oh.

So how does that old song go?  You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?  I’m not clear on when the equanimity left me, it sort of a slow building of intensity until even I notice my reactions.  Well maybe I can only notice the benefits of meditation after they go away.  I think I will just go ahead and take the 10 minutes to sit quietly and follow instructions. We are, after all, living in a high stress world right now. I don’t suppose I’ve built up any immunity to that from my years of dabbling.  I guess I have to continue to dabble.  But at least now, I can see the reasons for getting out of bed 10 minutes earlier.


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